It’s no stretch to say that Jezebel would not have functioned over the past four years without the firm-yet-loving guidance of our Deputy Editor, Kate Dries. Our staff is, for lack of a better term, toddler savants who often get derailed by our own idiocy during the workday. And like a patient, no-bullshit, working mother, Kate will corral us and get us back to work—devastating us with some excellent burns and making it look easy, even though it definitely is not. This week, Kate is leaving Jezebel and it’s safe to say that we are completely heartbroken and seething with jealousy over whoever gets her next. But, because we are dum-dum bloggers who bury our feelings in sarcasm and cynicism, we’re gonna roast the hell out of her instead of giving her the sincere send-off she deserves. Madeleine Davies, Jezebel Kate and I are the two longest running Jezebel staffers, so I can say with authority that Kate is a walking joke. Sure, she’s alright if your idea of a “friend” is someone who will frequently invite you over to eat her amazing cooking and never ask you to pay for the groceries, or take you out for drinks when…